Dallas has a culture alright, just not a very good one at the moment

I was recently at my local Whole Foods, and while checking out, a neon-sign-laden D Magazine caught my eye. Titled “Dallas the city with [no] culture” with the neon turned off on the “no” part with a quippy “The City’s Smartest People Set The Record Straight,” so naturally I bought the damn magazine (great job marketing). Essentially, the editing room was amiss that gasp people on r/geography within Reddit didn’t have kind words to say about Dallas’ culture. Specifically, the over-1-year-old post, linked here: https://www.reddit.com/r/geography/s/x22Gg9MKlE, asks “Biggest city with the least amount of ‘culture’?” It’s important to note that Dallas doesn’t even get the most “likes” in the post – that honor goes to Jacksonville, FL (and rightfully so). Instead, Dallas is the 3rd most upvoted city behind Dubai. So, a full spread collection of essays breaking down how amazing Dallas is by one of its more prestigious publications was absolutely necessary right… right?!

The D Magazine article makes the argument that comparing Dallas to The Cheesecake Factory is nowhere near the reality of what it’s like living here, a colloquial comparison that many make about Dallas. As a Dallasite who has lived in uptown/downtown for 15+ years, I don’t think that there is a more accurate way of describing Dallas in its current state. An overabundance of choice but with very little satisfaction, and just a bloating sensation when you leave and realize a stronger restaurant was next door. That’s why so many of Dallas’ residents and companies are moving up north or west to Fort Worth. Listen, I love this city, or should I say loved, but you cannot have an honest conversation about culture without speaking about the ills of this city too, with a hope to remedy it.

The essays that were compiled to make an argument that Dallas does in fact have culture are very well written and I enjoyed reading them, specifically Akwete Tyehimba’s story of how the community came together after her husband’s untimely death, and the beautiful writing of Dr. Samaiya Mushtaq who painted a stunning picture with her words about growing up in Coppell (she should absolutely write a novel one day). However, the articles really missed the point of what the Reddit thread that started this article was trying to say – culture is not a shared experience between just some of the people in Dallas, and relying on some of the “Smartest People” to lend their voices to this article is akin to asking company executives to describe a company culture. You know they’ll just go on and on about how “we’re a family” and “open door policy,” meanwhile your PTO was denied, the promotion promised to you went to the CFO’s college buddy’s son that you had to train, and Karen from finance just stole your last yogurt from the fridge. The through line in most of the articles is how Dallas has an amazing art scene, and while accurate - art alone doesn’t make a culture.

Dallas is a work first kind of city and if I had to summarize Dallas culture as it stands now, it would be social-climbing peacocks. This is no more evident to me than the “ski attire party” hosted at Parker House a year or so ago. Picture this – everyone suits up in their best ski attire to… cosplay as a skier? Yup, it wasn’t a trip somewhere to ski – it was just dressing up in ski attire to drink and socialize. I still cannot wrap my head around that, besides the obvious fact that it was an excuse for, well, peacocking. Let’s look at another example: a close friend is an MD of a very large bank here in Dallas. He told me a story of how he went to a separate friend’s gathering, not a networking event mind you, and the very first thing out of this one finance bro’s mouth after exchanging pleasantries was, “what do you do for work?” Being that my friend wasn’t raised in a barn, he politely reminded the kid that it was the weekend and that he didn’t want to talk about work. I have seen that scenario play out so often when going out. It is easily the 2nd or 3rd thing that comes out of someone’s mouth, and it’s really only to gauge if you’re at their level and worth their time. How sad, reducing your worth to what you can provide them.

Dallas is also hustle culture, and we should be proud of that, but in the infamous words of Tati, “time and place.” That divide of knowing when to switch on and off “work mode” is one of the contributing factors to the perceived lack of culture within Dallas. When your entire personality is directly tied to the commas in your bank account or zip code, you aren’t an arbiter of culture but rather a vulture of it. Which brings me to my next point: Dallas doesn’t know how to deal with the influx of new money. 

I always thought Dallas was going to go the way of Chicago – a unique culture forged in art, music, food, and lively conversations. Instead, we are going the way of LA – isolationist, what can you do for me, and peacocking. I have a couple of former Angelino friends that I inquired as to what they make of Dallas and they agree that while Dallas isn’t as bad as LA, certain unsavory elements are beginning to be much more evident such as the absolute need for people to be the baby at every christening, the bride at every wedding, and the corpse at every funeral. This need to see and be seen isn’t new – in fact it’s old as dirt; but where New York had its Gilded Age in the late 19th century, Dallas is only now experiencing it. The Knickerbockers of yore are the Dallas 500 now, and they don’t like the new. They may feign pleasantries here and there, but good luck getting invited to events if you’re new and not a novelty. While at dinner with an HP Princess friend of mine a couple of weeks ago, I asked her how she thought Dallas’ culture had changed since the pandemic. She lamented that her circle doesn’t go out as much as they used to, partly because it isn’t as much fun as it used to be. “As soon as people find out they might get something from you,” she said, “they’re all over you. Conversations don’t flow as smoothly as they did before and the ulterior motives are much more present.” So, she is now less welcoming of people she doesn’t know than she was 10+ years ago (when we met).

So, you have a one-two punch of social-climbing newbies coming to Dallas and a lot of the OG Dallasites closing rank as they can smell their sycophantic scent a mile away, but how can we combat this? The answer to me is obvious – wine. Sit at a good bar with a good wine list, order a good glass of wine, and let the universe take it from there. Talk to your neighbor and DON’T ask what they do, try to get to know them, and maybe you can make a good friend. If a career move or investing opportunity comes of it, that’s just gravy – but the meat and potatoes has to be the personal connection.

Social climbing comes from the feeling that you don’t have enough or that your lot in life needs to be better in a social capacity, and the need to be seen comes from the fact that you want validation. That need to be seen and heard is baked into our DNA and can be satisfied by real connections. So, what’s better than sitting in front of a 1er cru red burgundy, chatting with someone about life, getting a new perspective and enjoying what has kept our species alive for millennia – community.